“Thanks all for coming to the Punxsutawney Mall Santa Auditions! We’re right here to discover a particular Santa ‘stand-in’ [winkwink] to take footage with the children this weekend. So, let’s deliver you in one after the other, and have you ever give us your very finest Santa greeting! Okay? Okay!

“First contestant, you are up!”

“ARR! Marrrrry Christmas, ye landlubbers!”

“Um…sorry, however I feel we’re on the lookout for somebody only a little extra conventional. Subsequent, please!”


“Bark! Bark bark bark bark!!”

“I am confused. Are you a canine or a seal?”

“Probably not certain, love, however look! I can throw issues within the air!”



“Merry frickin’ Christmas.”

“Oh, my, is that actually a correct Santa angle?”

“Girl, stop screaming. Santa’s head is KILLING him.”



“How a lot for the ladies?”




“Ohhh kaaaay. I will again away slowly now.


“Effectively, that is everybody, so I suppose we’ll simply should go along with Mrs. Claus once more this yr. That pleased with you, Mrs. Claus?

“Mrs. Claus?”

[ …. ]

“Look, I do know you are nice with the children, however possibly you might take into account, , speaking occasionally.”

[ …. ]

“Or blinking.”


Because of Nick Ok., Michelle C., Laura C., Kim P., Sarah M., & Katie C. for the Silent Fright.


P.S. See this bizarre trying gizmo?

Shiatsu Shoulder Massager

Ever since I purchased one 2 years in the past each buddy who’s tried it has became a puddle of goo, and refused to maneuver ’til it shut off. Its greatest followers are our Disney puppeteer mates; folks utilizing and wrecking muscle tissues most of us do not even know we have. I hold shopping for extra of those as presents!

This massager can really bruise when you’re not cautious; it is acquired severe energy for even rock-hard knots, and with a bit of contorting you possibly can attain your complete again. (I maintain it diagonally to get beneath the shoulder blades, and round my waist for the decrease again.) So hey, if December’s left you beat up this yr, give this child a strive!


And from my different weblog, Epbot: