No Excuses? Right here, Strive These

Expensive Jen,
Assist! It is July and there are not any good holidays developing, plus no birthdays in my household, and I WANT CAKE. Are you able to assist?
– Cakeless in Cincinnati
Expensive Cakeless,
My expensive wrecky minion, you have come to the fitting place. Truth is, there are tons of excuses for cake, for those who solely be taught to have a good time the little issues in life.
A couple of ideas:
I POOPED TODAY!
Relying in your fiber consumption, I wager a few of you can have a good time this EVERY day.
My ’99 Nokia Nonetheless Works!
Leslie claims this was presupposed to say “Outdated buddies are the perfect.” However give it some thought: are you able to play Sweet Crush in your buddies whilst you’re pooping? NO YOU CANNOT.
I relaxation my case.
It Was Only a Warmth Rash!
Time will inform.
(Really, Rebecca tells me this was presupposed to say “Child.” Is she telling the reality? Mmmm… PERHAPS.)
I am A Nice Eating Companion!
Particularly whereas consuming cake.
That Factor Is Over!
SUCH a reduction, am I proper?
However perhaps none of those apply to you, Cakeless.
In that case, here is one for almost everyone:
Not Useless But!
In truth, I feel we must always all congratulate one another for not being useless but.
So, congratulations, guys.
And sorry, ghosts-with-internet-access.
Because of Alyssa V., Rebecca W., Leslie M., Emilie F., Scott D., & Kat R. for the right excuse.
*****
And now, our product placement of the day!