Notice: Immediately’s publish incorporates a phrase that begins with “p” and rhymes with “Venus.” Mother and father, please mum or dad accordingly.

Earlier than you head out to refill on fireworks as we speak, here is a helpful tip from the oldsters over at Lamebook:

Maybe I ought to rephrase that.

(Additionally: ow.)

What I meant was, relating to fireworks, you actually need probably the most bang to your buck:

So all the time search for the cartoon steam whistle shouting, “Bang!”

You also needs to familiarize your self with what fireworks really look like, so you do not find yourself with a bunch of…bombs. (See what I did there?)

Even when they are patriotically


highly effective

penis-ish ones.

No, belief me, you do not need sprinkles.

I see…slushies.

Oh my gosh! They killed Blinky!

(That is the crimson ghost from Pac-Man, youngsters. Now cease making me really feel previous.)

Essential rocket security tip:

The flamey bits ought to all the time come out the again.

Additionally, do not forget your patriotic donut holes!

A minimum of they remembered the blue balls this time.

Because of Jessica G., Daybreak S., Gail D., Deanna T., Amber S., Leanne O., & Saralyn T., who make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh” whereas they shoot throughout the sky-y-y.

In a firework-y approach, I imply.

Not a penis-ishy approach.

NEW GOAL: Work the phrase “penis-ishy” into as many dialog as we speak as doable. Beginning…NOW.


P.S. Whereas we’re flirting with that PG-13 score we might as effectively speak about bewbs, proper? So here is a shout-out to my favourite wire-free bra:

Warner’s Easy Does It Seamless Wireless Bra

 I really like the under-arm smoothing panel – no dig or pinch! – and like most Warners, these are extremely comfy. These are all I put on now! I watch the itemizing and purchase any shade that goes below $20, so you’ll want to examine all of them in your dimension. (I am a 34DDD and put on a Massive, if that helps.)

 Oh, and you’ll want to examine the picture gallery for a greater concept of how these look on bigger tracts of land.